What's in your vest?

I have gone through multiple phases in my fly fishing career in terms of dragging along gear and jiggery- pokery. My first vest wasn't- it was a nylon creel that slung over your shoulder. The drain holes were incredibly useful at allowing water to seep in and soak everything. It sucked, and whatever I needed quickly was always at the bottom of the junk pile. I graduated to a Simms vest- a gift that the person who gave it to me could not afford. I loved it, and still have it. Myriads of pockets, and over 10 years I got to the point where I could find anything in the dark. But the vest was problematic in the sense that fly fishing vests are not designed to house more than a few pounds of gear, and there really is no room for more than a modest sized canteen. And if you carry a raincoat and lunch you have to stuff it in the big back pocket where it pokes into your back all day. By the end of the day your shoulders are pretty stiff. I then went to the simple little vest pack with a tippet spool, clippers, and a single fly box. This was light and easy to pack, but it ruined trip after trip: rain and no rain jacket, hunger and no food, thirst and no water, and mad rises to a blizzard of caddis when there wasn't enough room for that particular fly box. And a lot of stumbling around without a light being eaten by mosquitoes because there was no bug repellent.

Last year, I went back to the kitchen sink approach but picked up a fishpond vest-pack with a hydration bladder. This thing has tons of room, and is designed to carry heavy loads. I resemble a pack mule on the stream, but this approach has saved the day so many times that I now swear by it. That fact that I am on the wrong side of 50 probably influences this: I can't go for hours without food or drink, and I have some prescriptions that should be with me. I would probably live, but why tempt fate? And I am not out there to rough it- things are rough enough back in civilization. And furthermore, I now do a style of fishing that is fairly new. I usually fish with a friend, and we spot cars at different access sites so we can do 8 hour wades to get less fished areas. Once you are on, you are on and there is no going back.

A reasonably complete list:

Rain jacket: I always carry one. The kind you can wad up in ball. But this occurred after three trips in a row where I got dinged. One storm was so bad that my socks were soaked from hat runoff. It also keeps off the chill when the wind comes up.
Hydration bladder: I once ran out of water, and was getting desperate enough to just take a few sips from the river. Was thinking seriously about getting a drink when I looked upstream and spied a huge dead beaver that had been ripped open by a predator. It was on top of a big log, and had been eviscerated. The remaining guts were hanging in the current. That ended that. Went back to the car for diet pepsi. Now I carry as much as can pack in the bladder. Everyone drinks.
Food: Time is too limited to waste going back to the truck. I eat on the stream and can fish longer and harder.
The first aid kit: waterproof matches, firestarters, a space blanket, bandaids, painkiller (aspirin for when the old guys have their on-stream heart attacks), chapstick, antibiotic cream, sting-stopper, gauze, a bit of tape, butterfly bandages, needles and thread, prescriptions, and a foot of flyline to extract hooks from humans using the pop-it-out method. I have never had to use any of this on myself, but saved an angler from a long journey to an ER to have an adams removed from his palm.
An LED headlamp- hardley weighs a thing and the batteries get replaced every spring.
Bug repellent: I once left this behind thinking it was too early for mosquitoes. It wasn't.
The leader kit: a ziploc with a bunch of tapered leaders, a knot tool, ferrule wax, and steel wood for polishing sticky ferrules on cane rods. Tippet spools. Amazing how many young anglers lose their entire leader and don't have a spare.
A beeswax candle (a reed curry trick) for lubing ferrules and maintaining a flame when you need it. Sometimes a small scissors. The scissors are an A.K. Best trick and can be used to trim flies and rebuild leaders.
Hemostat for unhooking and debarbing, and a ty-rite for holding small flies.
Magnifying glasses- the plastic kind with a leash that you hang from your neck. I stick them on my nose in front of the sunglasses. Looks stupid but saves time.
A bunch of wet lens wipes. It is amazing how your glasses can get crudded up with sunscreen and gink.
The split shot and strike indicators together in a wee little box. It is surprising how often these get forgotten, so it is on my double-check list.
Clippers on a lanyard- did you know you can sharpen clippers easily on a wetstone?
A hook sharpener. Again, easier than tying on a new fly after you hook bottom or a tree.
Tippet spools, including a 0x or 10 lb. tippet spool for whipping loops in the end of other guys fly lines who have lost their leader. See leader kit above.
Gink, and that shaker powder to dry off dry flies. The shaker stuff is amazing and saves you a great deal of time changing flies in good hatches as darkness approaches.
A fleece neckwarmer- amazing how this helps when the wind comes up or the sun goes down.
And the fly boxes. these will be dealt with in a separate post.
A small white towel for hand drying, and removing slime, gink, and effluvia from you and your gear. Amazingly useful.
Toilet paper in a ziploc bag. Forget this once and you will learn it's usefulness.
The single fine cigar in an aluminum tube. I can't smoke cigars while fishing, and my friend Dave H. burned through a brand new fly line. But there is nothing better that a $13.99 cognac-flavored Gurka smoked while sitting on a log in the sun, especially if you just released your first big trout of the year.
Cell phone: OFF. In a ziploc. Gee it was on all day, I guess we were in a dead zone. Sorry I missed the conference call.

Things I just don't bother with:

The hooky thing that slips over your fly rod trip that hooks the branch and cuts the fly free from the tree branch. These are awkward, and putting rod tips up into the shrubbery is a great way to lose a tip and end your fishing, or at least require a trip back to the truck for another rod. Just point your rod at the tree and pull. Carry extra tippets and flies, and you can also learn how to roll cast. Leave tree pruning to licensed foresters.

The little monocular telescope: I always am afraid this will get dunked, so it hides in a ziploc in the back of the pack and rarely sees the light of day. I supposed if there were more topless girls in canoes I would reconsider this. But this is Michigan, it's cold and conservative, and there aren't any usually so it hides back there. And if the rise is not obvious, just wade closer. Same is true with other things you might want to see better.

Reel lube: if you drop your reel in the sand, dunk it then lubricate the moving parts with Gink. You can carry a wee tube of reel lube, but it will explode and render everything slippery.

A fisherman's priest. I do not club trout. Only a complete douche-nozzle would carry a priest. But in fairness, maybe people carry them for protection from drunken canoe paddlers. I can see both sides of this.

A tweed hat. Only a complete double-douche would wear a tweed hat. There is no excuse for this. If you want to wear a tweed hat go to England and fuck around on the Test or Itchen. Or better yet, go to France where you can wear a beret. They have trout there. Really.

A coffee pot. A famous writer (who writes well BTW) often builds a fire and makes coffee. I am usually trespassing so hanging around a smoky fire drinking coffee is not a good idea. Once tried a thermos- the lukewarm soup was almost as nauseating as seeing the eviscerated beaver.

Any laminated card showing knots, hatch schedules, solunar tables, or other nonsense. If you don't know what is going on, at least observe and you might learn something. But don't stand in the middle of the stream reading stupid-ass cards. You had all winter to practice knots and familiarize yourself with stream entomology.

The little trout fish counter: If I have lost count, it has been a very good day.

The stream thermometer. The temp is what it is. So, if it is only 45 F at 1000, are you just going to go home? You can, but I would fish nymphs until you see a hatch.

The silver flask with scotch. To me, being drunk on a trout stream is an oxymoron. Besides, there is rarely enough scotch left from the night before to fill my flask.

Intangibles:

My lucky green Bryn Mawr College hat. It went over a waterfall in the Chattahootchee, and I went after it. It is that lucky.

My little wood giraffe (about an inch high). I found it in a University of Michigan parking lot. Everyone should have a giraffe hanging from their vest. It is whimsical, and amuses small children in canoes.

My eagle claw gold good luck hook. It made it into the leader kit, and stayed there for 20 years. It is now a mass of rust and the little card is illegible, but I still like it.

The net: Every time I forget the net, I hook one of those "oh shit, no net" sized fish. I often leave it behind deliberately to improve my chances, unless I am fishing the UP. There, only a moron would not carry a net.

Screwdriver: useful for punching holes in rental canoes while the drunken frat boys are lying in a stupor up on the bank. Just kidding.

Sooo, if you add all this up it amounts to a bunch of weight, and most of it is used rarely. But it is better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. Like I said, I rarely use most of the stuff on myself. But I have saved the day for many fishing buddies and complete strangers who found themselves in tight spot. And once on the stream, nothing will stop me.